1. Introduction

Mentoring is an essential integral part of any learning process for a more impacting and fulfilling training. To make the most of the developmental relationship, a healthy, interactive, interesting and effective rapport must be established by the mentor for appealing training sessions. Mentoring generally is a non-grade awarding learning process; to get a mentee whole-heartedly committed to the developmental relationship for quality training, creation of a fascinating atmosphere for learning is crucial. For a professional mentor as a facilitator of the development of potentials that we are, it is mandatory to secure this. This is critically fundamental to the facilitating roles of a true and serious mentor. Mentoring involves giving direction and meaning to the development of a mentee’s potentials, therefore, calls for a cordial and caring relationship.

Mentoring is as old as man! It started between God and Adam as part of leadership mentoring attributes, “Out of the ground the LORD formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature that was its name” (The Holy Bible, 1982).  My Creator, my Mentor! By this God created an interactive and involving developmental relationship between Him and the man. A mentor must be as much interested in the mentee as the program itself. The program is for the mentee more than the mentee being for the program. Without a mentee the program cannot run. How successful the program is, is not to be measured by how much ground is covered, but by how developed and transformed a mentee is become. However, this is primarily determined by the developmental relationship developed by the mentor. A mentor-driven society is band to be productive and progressive, as it would be dynamic in the development and delivery of potentials. Like in any other relationship, mentoring is usually treasured as a developmental relationship in an atmosphere of love and care. Passion, genuine concern and commitment on the part of the mentor are determinant to the efficacy of the training relationship. Mentoring is a caring relationship more than a mere training association. A caring mentor will make more impact than a just strict one. Mentoring is practically the best and fastest way to integrate productive and resourceful youths into the society—as mentees, they are usually interested in someone who is interested in them including governments. 

The proven practices discussed here are the indispensable and infallible methods of interactive training for mentoring best practices – “Those things which you have learned, received, heard and seen in me do…” Having effectively mentored his mentees in the four basic ways; that is, taught, gave, said and showed, he confidently tasked them to do (essence of mentoring): to put into use all they have learned, received, heard and seen in him. The individual responsibilities of each party in the mentorship relationship for mutual success can be deduced from this. The duty of a mentor it is to spur a mentee to put into use what has been imparted. This paper therefore inventively and comprehensively discusses the how of the four cardinal ways of effective and maximum impact in mentoring, vis-à-vis teaching for learning, giving for receiving, saying for hearing and showing for seeing. On the other hand, and, more importantly, they are the surest ways by which a mentee will qualitatively and maximally imbibe from a mentor.

2.  Responsibilities of mentors and mentees

It must be well established that mentoring requires a two-way encouraging commitment for mutual fulfilling training program: On one hand, a mentor should be professionally equipped with these four ways of mentoring for resourcefulness and effectiveness; with the creation of the correct environment for a robust relationship. On the other hand, a mentee on his/her own part must position self for serious learning through each method — each one has its own particular impact. As such, it is important not to undermine any of these ways for greatest learning. Productive-know-how by a mentor and a mentee for a successful mentoring program are herein practically and resourcefully discussed.    

3. Methods

3.1. Teaching for learning: Teaching for learning is the fundamental mainstay of mentoring. It is the proven way individuals are imparted with knowledge and understanding for the development (fast) of their potentials for transformation and actualization of dreams. Teaching is usually knowledge-driven, learning-aimed and learner-centered. One teaches through enlightenment, instruction, direction, guides, training, coaching or tutoring as the program demands — for acquisition of knowledge, understanding, wisdom, skill and capacity building. Teaching in mentoring aims at training on how to do something good (better, best), right and fast. A mentor must of essence be a great teacher, instructor, trainer or coach and apt to do these. He or she is expected to have resources, skill, ability, capacity and willingness to train or coach effectively and efficiently. More importantly, a mentee must be a ready-learner to assimilate and appropriate things being taught for his/her development. Robert Sullivan (2000) posited that the development of learning in its various guises of individual, team and organizational learning has been recognized by many as of critical importance. Learning is a developmental process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through information or personal experience. Of more critical importance is unity of purpose — the backbone of satisfactory mentoring program. “Kindred spirit is the kingpin for effective and fulfilling mentoring. It is the key to agreement, and, agreement is essential for thorough mentoring. It holds the cord of the relationship from the start to the end with the needed commitment and cooperation by both parties.” (Yemi Ayodele (SOG), 2013).  

3.1.1. What to teach: This is principally determined by some basic factors like purpose of mentoring, the field, type and level of mentoring. These are to guide a mentor in developing the training module or scheme. For instance, mentoring in academics will be different from that of entertainment industry, leadership, business, management, career, community and so on. Again, depending on the level, otherwise, a mentor is to teach from basics to advanced level on the subject of interest, on things that will enhance productive life and professionalism. Teach on principles and practices of the discipline, career possibilities, on time, resources and self management, on hard work, values and virtues among other possible topics. Mentoring is for grooming for mastery in one’s field; thus, should teach things that will upgrade knowledge in relevant principles and practices. Non-official teachings should also be offered from the mentor’s wealth of experience in life generally. This is a plus that makes mentoring personal and reflective than mere formal lecturing or training. Of most importance, the good and great knowledge and experience of the mentor in the field is imperative. A mentor must not be a greenhorn. A mentee is as good as the mentor. As an experienced mentor who will see in the mentee what the individual cannot easily realise about self — tailor your teachings to unlock the innate potentials and help develop them in the proper way.

3.1.2. How to teach: A clue from God’s concept of mentoring — “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go: I will guide you with mine eye…” (The Holy Bible, 1982). To teach in mentoring therefore, one has to further instruct i.e. educate, train, coach, groom, inculcate and direct; teach i.e. tutor, enlighten, lecture, put through, aid, show the way, explain and drill, and guide with the eye i.e. watch over, look after, guard, support, monitor, direct and supervise. Mentorship is a learning process from an expert or a professional which calls for practice, patience and further explanations. Being a result-oriented training relationship, time need be created for thorough coaching and painstaking enlightenment for mastery of what cannot be achieved ordinarily in a formal training setting. Mentoring must be made interactive and interesting; creating a freer and friendly atmosphere for teaching and learning, for a fulfilling successful program.  It is necessary to come down to the level of the mentee (especially a child) for interactive impact in order to take him/her to a higher level of understanding and professionalism. This same way God comes to our level to take us to His level.   

3.1.3. Whom to teach: Every mentee is to be taught for knowledge, understanding, effectiveness, efficiency and mastery. For the highly intelligent mentee, he/she needs to be taught (mentored) to boost his/her performance. The average one needs to be well mentored for better performance while the dull mentee should be given more attention for improvement and transformation.  However, the truth is that it will be more interesting and fulfilling for a mentor to mentor some mentees more than others: A serious mentee proving promising will interest a mentor for great mentoring. Seriousness from both parties is actually an underscoring factor; this will entail availability, punctuality, focus, commitment and hard work. A mentee has a greater responsibility here. For instance, an active and acute mentee will be more interesting to teach. The mentee to be taught is the one eager to acquire extra knowledge, skills and virtues and of quick understanding. A mentee to teach is the one who will demand to be taught what he/she admires in the mentor but not taught through oversight. Christ’s mentees once demanded, “Now it came to pass, as He was praying in a certain place, when He ceased, that one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.” So He said to them, when you pray, say: …”(The Holy Bible, 1982). At another time they attempted casting out a demon in the absence of their Mentor but could not. After their failure they were curious and wise to ask, “Why could not we cast it out?” (The Holy Bible, 1982).  The way they framed the question was an indication of their readiness to be taught. The best and fastest way to learn is to admit ones incapability and not pass the bulk when one fails and, with a teachable attitude seek for knowledge.

3.1.4. When to teach: Teaching starts from the on set. Any mentoring program will normally have a timetable; this will guide in the teaching or training schedule. From experience, early introduction to mentoring makes young ones become purpose-driven early in life; the same goes for on the job. A purpose-driven mentee will be more focused in life or on the job than his/her mates; thus, enthusiastic to learn — time for serious teaching/training sessions. From a mentee’s questions, the mentor is able to assess his/her readiness to be taught. A mentee who asks meaningful questions will be promptly taught. A mentee can place demand on a mentor by sometimes initiating what aught to be taught like the apostles did as noted above. Unlike the typical lecture room or other trainings, mentoring should be mindful of the mood of a mentee when necessary for effective assimilation, especially with students and children.   

3.2. Giving for receiving: Giving is the beauty and strength of memorable mentoring. From my experience, giving is a super motivational agent for effective and indelible mentoring.  It makes mentoring practical and moving. It also earns a mentor great respect and reputation. A mentor should be given to giving! Any mentoring that does not involve giving will not be touching. This is the aspect of mentoring that boosts commitment on the part of the mentee. Giving is a practical expression of love, care and commitment to the mentee; capable of strengthening the relationship. Giving makes mentoring remarkable and deep-seated. It is a rewarding investment in mentoring that should be encouraged for selfless and not selfish service. A true mentor must be conscious and prepared for that, as it is a major way of being a real helper as a mentor is defined. A selfish or stingy individual will not make an effective mentor in this regard; but a generous one would. Anyone not willing to give may even hoard information and others things that should benefit the mentee. In essence, a mentor should see to it that a mentee receives things from him/her — an attribute that will make the individual a resourceful and responsible mentor worthy of emulation and ever to be remembered.

3.2.1. What to give: Apart from being given training through information, a mentee is to be given other things to receive. These are material things, psychological treatments, social interaction, professional opportunities and spiritual impartation. The material things will include books, magazines, journals, tapes, DVDs, equipments and instruments. Others are accommodation, office usage and even money as necessary among other things. Psychological treatments can come inform of encouragement, moral support, compassion, counsel and burden sharing. Social interaction are socializing generally, visiting as necessary and convenient, having coffee together, going for lunch or dinner, partying, clubbing and sporting together and assistance in bill payment. Friendly interaction is a stimulant for effective mentoring. True love and care must be given. Love is the softest yet the strongest force on earth humans respond to to win their heart. Even animals respond to love. Love and care are tools that should be properly employed to enthrall the heart of a mentee for most impacting and effective relationship. Professional opportunities will include exposure, delegated authority, representing the mentor where possible, including travels. A mentor is a leader, should therefore be a ladder to the top for the mentee. Spiritual impartation will be to give edifying spiritual materials, sharing of burdens for spiritual counsel and prayers. For religious mentoring — a mentee is to be equipped with spiritual endowment like Moses did to Joshua in Deuteronomy 34: 9, as Paul did to Timothy in II Timothy 1: 6. Giving practically adds value to mentoring.

3.2.2. How to give: Surprise a mentee with giving by offering unsolicited and unexpected assistance. Get your mentee flabbergasted with giving of quality material things. The author never realized the release of his car for his young mentees to drive in the 1980s made so much impact on them until several years latter. A mentor should discern and determine the right thing and time of what suits the mentee’s training and give it. One day Jesus Christ suddenly took His mentees to a mountain top and imparted to them spiritual power as recorded in Mark 3: 13-15. Giving as required will boost a mentee’s commitment and confidence in the mentor. A mentor should make giving part of the relationship or the mentee makes it happen by responsibly asking for what is needed. A mentee can help a mentor overcome self-centeredness by asking for obviously undeniable things. This is why mentoring should not be forced on either party, but with mutual agreement. It should be noted that he/she who receives nothing will leave with nothing — my mentoring philosophy.  

3.2.3. Whom to give: Every mentee is to be supported and equipped through giving. However, a mentor will be more apt to give to a serious, ambitious and committed mentee who is making the training relationship worthwhile. This is a call for seriousness, zest and quest on the part of a mentee. In II Kings 2: 9-10, when Elijah gave his mentee, Elisha, the opportunity to ask for anything at all, the latter didn’t miss the lifetime opportunity to ask for double portion of the spirit of his mentor. Elisha was given a condition which he met and was given the mantle. There are times some conditions are to be met by a mentee to get some things from a mentor. Christ’s mentees saw the way He prayed, they asked to be taught and were taught, trained (given). A mentor has resources to give, but a mentee should sometimes initiate it, ask for as the mentor may forget. A biblical injunction applies here, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened”.6 A mentee should not be a mere admirer of the mentor but a learner who must receive things that will make the individual.

3.2.4. When to give: There are materials that are introductory, such should be given to a starter and as the program progresses, advanced materials are to be given. Then, every opportunity to support (give) the mentee with what will enhance and advance his/her learning as already pointed out should not be delayed. Since a mentee is to be prepared and equipped for a productive and prosperous life, whatever will earn the individual these should be promptly given at all times as it happened between Elisha and his mentee, “And Elisha prayed, and said, “Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw…” 7.  Even in secular mentoring, a leader or mentor should be sensitive to when it is most appropriate to impart a mentee with professional capability for exploit. There could be a parting endowment as it was for Elisha just mentioned.      

3.3. Saying for hearing: This is of crucial importance to mentees. The use of word here is to be noted. Saying is used on purpose instead of telling. Basically, when teaching, instructing, or training a mentor tells a mentee words directly to be heard for learning. When the quoted mentor therefore said what the mentees have heard, it included statements not told them directly; things they picked from his sayings. Hence, saying as being used here refers to things a mentor says generally, most times unconsciously as he/she mentors but which are important for a mentee to over-hear — catch from his/her mouth. Listening attentively to be able to pick such words as one hears is then vital in mentoring. Randy Emelo (2008) cautioned that listening is as common as breathing, and like breathing, it can be taken for granted. True to it, hearing someone talking does not guarantee listening; listening has to do with attentiveness and reasoning along with what one is hearing. This is the key to comprehension, assimilation and appropriation. The true prove of listening in mentoring is that the mentee grasp the substance of what is heard or taught and applies it. A mentee must learn to listen and listen to learn!

3.3.1. What to say: What to say will be in accordance to the field or area of interest. Things to say are to be things like professional languages, technical languages, terminologies, expressions, deep saying, phrases, ethics and explanations. For instance, Elisha as Elijah’s mentee heard a spiritual ministerial expression his mentor was used to saying which he imbibed and applied in his time; “as the LORD God of Israel lives before whom I stand.” 8 Faith and hope building, fortifying and assuring words like “all things are possible,” “you can do it,” “you can make it,” “it is not difficult,” “you can try again,” “that’s good, great, beautiful, wonderful” and so on should be heard often. Motivation is the life supplier in mentoring. A mentor must be a motivator with encouraging words. Of course, corrective words are inevitable. Interceptive words to stop wrong actions should be applied without delay.

3.3.2. How to say: From the above explanation, a mentor can deliberately use some professional languages, terminologies or idioms of expression outside a layman language. This will improve the professional vocabulary of the mentee. In mentoring, commendation is more encouraging than condemnation. Even if there will be condemnation of an action — it should start with commendation of the effort made in the first place. Here also, the mentor needs to sometimes come to the level of the mentee in language (especially children and youths) and then carries the individual to a higher level. At other times it could be that the mentor is carried away in expression as if in the midst of his/her contemporaries, by that the mentee is made to learn exceptionally.  

3.3.3. To whom to say: As said earlier, the art of listening is crucial for a mentee — as a matter of fact, a great responsibility, it is for excellent learning. A mentee who proves to be a good listener will be told many things. The author points out that, “Part of the dynamisms of listening is that a good (trained) listener does not hear with the ears alone, he/she listens with the mind thereby reasons along while listening; thus, a fast thinker which makes comprehension easy. A good listener does with the eyes, for instance, if something is being described or demonstrated, he/she views and sees with the eye of the mind while listening.” A mentee should itch to hear words that will build him/her for, “…unto you that hear shall more be given,” so declares Jesus. 9. That is, the more one hears, the more he/she has to hear. In other words, there are degrees/levels of what to hear. Verse 33 of that chapter says Jesus spoke to the people the word as they were able to hear it. A mentee’s disposition will determine the level of information and communication with him /her by the mentor. If you are dull to hear and slow to understand your mentor will likely deal with you so. A mentee must always be high-spirited, ever ready to hear.

3.3.4. When to say: A practical example for this is found in Jesus and His mentees in John 16: 1-12. In verse twelve He told them, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” It’s good for a mentor to know when to say some (vital) things in mentoring. It should be step by step and stage by stage. When said at the appropriate time he who has ear to hear will hear it. It does happen too that if a mentor is in high spirit great expressions can flow from the cheerful heart. A mentee should be sensitive to such periods to catch the uncommon professional and technical languages. Impress your mentor by telling him/her, “I heard when you said…” and he/she will say more. “If you hear it you will have it” is my saying. As said, a mentee should train self to be a good listener, and would ultimately become a great mentor in his/her own time. Again, learn to listen and listen to learn!”

3.4. Showing for seeing:  The quoted mentor said what they have seen in him. I believe what they have seen in him will include things they have personally observed in (about) him, his person. This is different from what they have seen from him, i.e. what he directly showed or taught them. It is so separated because of total mentoring that goes beyond knowledge and skill acquisition — includes persona building. Imperatively, this throws a big challenge to a mentor. For effective and holistic mentoring, apart from knowledge impartation and training, a mentor owes his/her mentee a duty to mentor by example in values and virtues. Let them see passion, commitment, zeal, hard work, accountability, punctuality and other leadership qualities. On the other hand, it is expected of a mentee to study the personality of the mentor and not presentations alone. In other words, a mentee should be observant and vigilant to detect values and virtues in the mentor and imbibe same. This is a vital and critical aspect of mentoring as the mentee is band to imbibe some of the traits of the mentor (good and bad). Except mentoring a blind person, seeing is most (involuntarily) impacting. Discussing the eye as an agent of influence. Yemi Ayodele (SOG) (2013) explained that the eye is the highway to the heart, mind and brain. The eye is stronger and faster at catching things in the environment than the ear. The eye operates magnetically. Most times, what we see sticks more in the mind or brain than what we hear. Whatever one sees can really have great effect and influence on the person; its impression lasts very long if not permanently. Mentoring must therefore take advantage of this power of influence in working on a mentee. It is a major strength of mentoring when recognized and capitalized on.

3.4.1. What to show: What to show is in two forms – physical things related to the field, then ethical; values and virtues from the mentor. Physical things to show will include practical demonstrations, publications, materials, sites and websites. Ethical things to show regarding values and virtues will be in two ways – voluntary and involuntary. The voluntary ones will include professionalism, expertise, hard work, responsibility, integrity, punctuality, deadline observation, decency, tidiness, love, giving and help among others. The involuntary ones, (that is, the mentor’s person) will include charisma, strong character, attributes, virtue and faith among other things. Character is crucial in mentoring as charisma without character can end in calamity. For instance, having a famous but an infamous person as a mentor will not be the best.

3.4.2. How to show: The way to show will also be both actively and inactively. Things are shown by actions (activities) and character. A mentor must be instructive and interesting in approach and be approachable. The training must be explicit and simple. Though non-mark awarding, seriousness must be incorporated into the training. God instructed Ezekiel to mark well, see with your eyes and hear with your ears, all that He will say to him. A mentor should in the same way instruct to prepare a mentee for a significant thing he or she is about to say or show as often as necessary. Then, as earlier mentioned a mentor should live an exemplary life for the mentee to see and emulate. This again makes who mentors critical as mentoring could make or mar. Show me your mentor and I will tell you who you are. 

3.4.3. Whom to show: Showing as the practical aspect of the training methods is for every mentee to enjoy. Observation is a technical and critical way of seeing (beyond) what one is shown; the observant mentee will be shown extraordinary things. The serious and curious mentee will be shown things. Obviously, it will interest a mentor to show a keen and discerning mentee as much as is available. A mentee that is not observant or sensitive will lose a great deal, but the one who is alert and vigilant at all time will be able to imbibe as much as he/she can discern. “Seeing is believing,” says an adage; it can also be said that, “seeing is imbibing.” What you have not seen in your mentor you cannot aim at imbibing or becoming. Hence, – learn to observe and observe to learn! Observation is a strong, effective and enduring way to learn. Any thing learnt by observation sticks to the brain and mind.

3.4.4. When to show: Every training session is a time to show some things and something new. When a mentor always has what to show it makes the program exciting and fulfilling.

In conclusion, unprecedented best practices mentoring of any kind is guaranteed as these proven fail-safe methods are adhere to to the letters.

 

REFERENCES

Yemi Ayodele (SOG), (2013). Mentoring par Excellence.

The Holy Bible, King James Version (1982) Thomas Nelson, Inc. 1. Philippians 4: 9; 2. Genesis 2: 19; 3. Psalm 32:8; 4. Luke 11: 1-2. 5. Mark 9:28; 6. Matthew 7: 7, 8; 7. II Kings 6:17; 8. I Kings 18: 15 and II Kings 3: 14; 9. Mark 4:24     

Robert Sullivan (2000). Entrepreneurial learning and mentoring, International Journal of Entrepreneurial Behaviour & Research (), Vol. 6 No. 3, 2000, p. 161. © MBC University Press. 1355-2554.

Randy Emelo (2008). Listening as a Leadership Attribute. Triple Creek’s Monthly Mentoring Newsletters.